Memoir
Date Published: April 21, 2025
Publisher: MindStir Media
Winner of the 2025 Literary-Titan Book Award (Memoir)!
Winner of the 2025 Firebird book award (Addiction and Recovery)!
Winner of the 2025 Firebird book award (Mental Health)!
Finalist, 2024 Literary Global Book Awards and American Writing Book
Awards!
I believe Improbable and Extraordinary will be an extremely influential
book - it's rare to see such a personal and raw account of mental illness,
and then the continuous (and in this case, unique) process of overcoming it.
Overall, an outstanding and moving manuscript...The flow is excellent and
engaging and the voice is very strong. A true accomplishment!
Megan Patiry, author of The Alice Effect.
Escaping the torment of depression, anxiety, mania and addiction:
Saúl's memoir is a powerful testament to the strength of the human
spirit, showing how even when it seems unattainable, transformation is
possible. Once tormented by the crushing grip of bipolar disorder,
depression, severe anxiety, anger, and addiction, Saúl shares the
raw, unflinching truth of his battle with mental illness and trauma.
Through a profound exploration of love, not as a romantic ideal but as a
fundamental force, and by adopting practical, yet challenging principles,
the author discovers a path to inner peace and freedom. Saúl's candid
reflections on overcoming a deep, persistent darkness reveal the possibility
of peace, freedom, and personal growth.
This memoir doesn't just chronicle survival; it celebrates the power of
transformation. Saúl's path through addiction and mental illness
reveals that true peace and freedom are within reach, even for those who
have lost everything.
By sharing his experience, Saúl aims to inspire understanding and
hope, and communicate that healing is not just possible but transformative.
This book is a beacon of hope for anyone wanting to find hope for themselves
or someone they love.
From co-author, Dr. Erika Horwitz, Licensed Psychologist:
As Saul's sister, I witnessed his torments and struggles and his amazing
transformation! As a psychologist, I understood the enormity of what he
achieved-moving from a place of deep mental illness to stability, inner
peace and wisdom. His story is inspiring and a testament to the amazing
ability of human beings to transform. It's a story that offers hope to
anyone facing mental health challenges and their loved ones. I knew it was
essential for Saul to share his story, and I believe it will resonate with
anyone who believes in the power of transformation."
FOREWORD
One minute ago, I finished yet one more review and edit of this book. As I sit facing a window by the ocean, bald eagles dance in front of my window as if in celebration with me. This book is a very honest, humble, and real account of my brother’s life as he moved from the depths of darkness to the light. Having been part of his life since I was born, I can attest to the truthfulness of the story. The pages contained in this book may feel shocking at times–and they are. Very few of us are willing to share our deepest inner thoughts or worst actions, particularly when they may appear horrible to others. This book is my brother’s gift to the world. I feel full of love and admiration for him. In fact, he is my hero.
Years ago, Saúl (pronounced Saool) and I were talking over coffee at an outdoor café, and I felt compelled to convince him to write his story. I was so in awe of his transformation that I felt his story had to be told. I am a psychologist in private practice; a doctor in psychology who works with folks who struggle with a range of mental health problems or issues in their lives. I have taught at the graduate level for over twenty years and was the director of a large counselling service at a sizeable university in Canada, where I supervised staff and graduate students for over twelve years. And I had never ever witnessed a miracle like this one. I use the word “miracle” because it seems that way. However, I must clarify that the miracle only happened with my brother’s hard work and commitment to his healing and willingness to look inside.
I think that the reason why this book is so important and powerful is because it tells a story of pain, wrongdoing, hurt, and personal flaws with deep honesty and openness. Many memoirs or personal stories of struggle are often about what has been done to the writer. What they have endured in their lives. Now, this book does speak about what he suffered as a child and adolescent, but it also speaks about what he struggled with that led him to wrongdoings. It is about his honest acknowledgement that he has many flaws of character, and how he is now able to not give in to the many impulses these flaws generate. This book is about the most honest account of the inner world of a boy, adolescent and man who struggled with more than negative thinking. His description of his inner world gives a look inside the experience of someone who has bipolar disorder, which was likely complicated by the many abuses he endured as a child.
I am three years younger than Saúl. Some of my early recollections of him are of him being beaten by my dad. I was four years old or so when my dad beat him with his belt to the point of leaving welts all over his back. I remember hearing him beg and plead, “No more, please, no more!!!” and my father kept hurting him as if he was an animal (in fact, my father never even treated his dogs like that!). By the time my father stopped, and my brother came to the room where Javier (our other brother) and I were sitting on the bed, horrified at what was going on in the living room, his back had welts all over, just like the slaves I have seen in films. He was only seven years old or so.
But other memories are of his curiosity and intelligence. He used to be so curious, wanting to take apart anything that had any kind of mechanism he couldn’t see. Whether it was my mom’s radio that played by putting a coin in a slot or his toy machine gun that made the sounds of a machine gun (toys that were acceptable at the time), he was full of life and curiosity. I remember him playing Batman and Robin with Javier (he was a leader, so he always had to be Batman). Once in a while, I was allowed to be Cat Woman, which for me was the most exciting thing, since my brothers were my heroes. He was playful and creative.
I remember him being good at any sport he tried: baseball and swimming, for example. He had the strongest arms of anyone I knew. He could pick me up to the ceiling by holding me by the elbows as I folded my arms. He was Javier’s big brother, the leader, the one that watched over us when our parents were not home (and I mean when he was seven or eight years old–different times. My mom would go out and have him watch Javier and I). And one day, his light turned dark. Our big brother began to disconnect, to isolate. We did not know what was wrong with him. My father just called him lazy; he used to say, “You need persistence and to follow through.” My mom did not know what to do with him. And little by little, our brother, who was the curious, full of life kid, left us.
As the years went by, his character and his personality changed to the point that it was hard to relate to him. He was self-absorbed, inappropriate and aggressive with his words, dark, impulsive and unable to keep up with school. We saw little of each other as adults because we lived in two different countries (me in Canada and him in Guadalajara, Mexico). But the few times I saw him in later years, he was just difficult to be around. He talked non-stop. It was impossible to get a word in. He was quite authoritarian in his manner, grandiose and immature emotionally. At times, he would disconnect for long periods of time due to his depression. He avoided talking to us and we avoided calling him (due to the discomfort of talking to him because he was just not well).
I won’t go into the details that he will share with you in the book. But for me, his mental illness made it impossible to have a close relationship with him. And yet one day, my mom told me that his family had asked him to move out and that he had no place to live. I got into gear and called Javier and told him we needed to help him. He was out there with no money and no place to live. We started sending him money to make sure he was safe. One little aside here: When we were kids, we used to have meetings, the three of us, to talk about problems in our family or with our parents. In one of those meetings, I remember the three of us were sitting in my bedroom, and we declared ourselves THE THREE MUSKETEERS. We promised we would always be there for each other no matter what. This was one of those times.
Some years went by. I knew my brother Saúl was getting help from an A.A. group and that he was living in one of their rehab homes. I knew he had gone to the residential farm where they really practice tough love to get these folks to get better. And then, about eight years ago, I had the opportunity to spend more time with him because I was travelling to Campeche, where he lives now, several times a year because one of my daughters now lives there.
Oh my God!!! As I spent time with him, the transformation was beyond anything I could have imagined possible! And let me say, he was not bullshitting me. I could see he was walking the talk. He transformed into someone who knows how to listen. Who has so much wisdom. Who lives with a type of humility that is rare. Who trusts and accepts what happens. Who is honest and self-aware. Who accepts life as it is. Who takes responsibility. Who owns his mistakes. I was in awe. After all, he has bipolar disorder. But he is not on medication. And he no longer presents with most of the symptoms he had: hypersexuality, grandiosity, deep depressions, mania with out-of-control behaviors, non-stop talking, flight of ideas and inappropriate and impulsive words and behaviors. I was completely amazed and touched deeply by his transformation. He is truly my hero. I go to him for wisdom and guidance now. I would have never, ever believed this was possible.
As a practicing psychologist with a doctorate, having seen hundreds of patients, supervised other therapists’ cases, and taught in two universities, I had never witnessed a transformation like this in someone who had bipolar disorder and transformed his life without medication. It is truly a story of hard work and miracles. A miracle, not necessary in the religious sense, but in the sense of something unlikely, almost impossible, coming to reality. This is the story of my big brother, Saúl.
So, I convinced him to write this book. We worked on it at times when he felt confused, or a bit lost with it, or when he had stopped writing for a year. You will learn what that is about for him as you read the book. I have travelled the journey of writing the book with him and it has brought me even closer to him. Reading and working on the book with him has touched me deeply not only because he is my brother but because of his courage and humility in writing his story. His voice in these pages is powerful, touching, courageous, and full of wisdom and hope. He is truly an amazing human being. I am so grateful that his suicidal crisis never ended in his death. This book is his gift to the world.
Erika Horwitz, Ph.D.
About the Authors
Saúl Horwitz
Saúl Horwitz is an addictions expert and counsellor for people in
rehabilitation and recovery. From an early age he had to struggle with his
personality due to suffering from bipolar disorder. Suicide attempts,
suicidal crises, depression, euphoria, and other drastic changes in his
personality prevented him from leading a normal life like that of others.
After receiving help from a non-traditional AA group, El Despertar, not only
did he transform many of these symptoms, but he also became a skilled
counsellor to those afflicted by addiction and mental illness.
Erika Horwitz, Ph.D.
Erika is a Licenced Psychologist working in private practice in Vancouver,
British Columbia Canada. In addition, she is an author, public
speaker, university lecturer, and certified Mindfulness Teacher. She
was the former Director of Counselling Services at Simon Fraser
University. She is currently the President of the Board of Directors
at the British Columbia Psychological Association, the Vice-Chair at the
Council of Professional Associations of Psychology and a council member at
the American Psychological Association. She wrote Through the Maze of
Motherhood: Empowered Mothers Speak. In her leisure time she loves
meditation, reading, movies, working out, and spending time with her amazing
husband, her family, and friends.
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